The Freedom of Grammatical Credibility



A friend of mine received this in the mail from one of her lovely neighbors. Since the person writing it decided to make this a cowardly move (and not put their name or return address on it), she was unable to respond.

She and I only discussed this briefly and on Facebook, no less, so we did not go into the many implications of an anonymous letter like this being mailed to you from your neighbors. After a mixed reaction that included offense, disgust, amusement, and a slight appreciation for what must have been well-meaning (however misplaced) concern for saving her soul, she posted the letter a second time with a little editing and grammatical mark-ups:



This made it very amusing.

It's hard to take advice from someone unless you feel completely confident that the person is, in at least some way, wiser than you. Grammatical errors such as these imply that the author is uneducated, therefore, must be a complete imbecile.

We had a good laugh at some of the ridiculousness in this letter. Many of the mistakes are below a secondary school level.

She never returned the letter to them with the red-pen corrections on it. Unfortunately, she does not know which neighbor sent it, but it would not have been a positive experience if she had. The marks on the letter indicate an insulting tone taken towards the case in the letter and do not address the actual PROBLEM with the letter itself. It would not be a good thing to let grammar get in the way of an important message (ironic statement, huh?). Although, it would probably be a good message to be given to the well-meaning neighbor. "Ahem, pardon me.... Maybe if you want people to take your message of conversion seriously you should find an intellectual and intelligent way to present the message...?"

It's not the point.

However, it IS the point of this blog today.

If you want your message to be clear, you must find a professional and clear voice in which to present it.

That's the importance of grammatical skill today.

If you wish to persuade, you must do so in a language and manner that is pleasing to your audience.

A working knowledge of the rules of prescriptive grammar is necessary to communicate, impress others, and succeed in life (nerdy or not).

Now, on the most offensive side of the letter, I have to say that my friend is much more tolerant of this behavior than I would have been. She believes that the author must have some wrong assumptions about her (specifically, she wears her hair short and has a female roommate...) and although these assumptions are WRONG, they are none of the neighbors business.

It's not necessary to say here because it's nobody's business... but my friend is a heterosexual christian... and the roommate is a FRIEND.... but anyway...

As one who believes STRONGLY in privacy and the right to religious freedom, I would've liked to respond to the letter. It would have went something like this:

Dear Neighbor,

You and your husband have never made my acquaintance personally, but I see that you wanted to share with me that you are an idiot. Not only have you revealed that you are passing judgment on someone that you have never met, but you make it very clear that you have a limited grasp of Standard American English, at least in its proper written form, anyway. Not only is your letter filled with grammatical and semantic mistakes, it reveals you cannot even count (since you claim you will tell me ONE question of six that can be answered by your Bible but then proceed to give me all six).

Its interesting that the book you chose to proclaim the ultimate truth is the one book that contradicts itself more than any other. I wonder how you would feel if our Buddhist or Muslim neighbors wrote you a similar letter stating that all the answers you need in life can be found in their religion?

If I do see you soon, please keep your religion to yourself and I will do the same.

Sincerely, Your neighbor.

So, in summary, Grammar blog #2... It's hard to have credibility without prescriptive grammar!

My only superpower is conjugating verbs . . .

So my friend always tells me that I am the ultimate nerd. He says sometimes I say things and nobody in the room has a clue what I am talking about (it's not really my fault that his friends aren't intellectual types). He says that sometimes when I am talking, he sees their eyes gloss over and they pretend to understand and nod, but they've actually "checked out."

One time we were passing a Best Buy and he saw the Geek Squad Volkswagen and he told me that maybe I needed to join that club.

I said, "No, maybe I would belong more in the 'Nerd Herd' because I doubt that the Geek Squad has any use for any one whose only superpower is conjugating verbs."

He contorted his face into a twisted combination of confusion and disgust and said, "HUH?"

I replied, "Never mind."

Then, a week later...

He comes in telling me that he and two of the friends (who supposedly never understand me) stopped by the Kum & Go and picked up a soft drink and a hot dog for $1.69. He said they were excited about it because they are building another one close to the street they live on. He jokingly told them, "Oh, no, that one's not going to be a Kum & Go! It's going to be a 'Kame & Went'!"

He laughed at his own joke, and I giggled softly to myself. Ironically, I was more amused by the fact that he didn't realize that what he just stated was the "nerd" humor that he's always making fun of me over than by the joke itself.

So I aptly name this blog, "Kame & Went" because I can only keep it up while it is an assignment for Grammatical Analysis. There will Kum a day that I will have to Go, so the blog will become a place that I Kame & Went.